how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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