I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
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