All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
