I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
