When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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