I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Randomize
