we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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