why didn't you poke me back
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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