Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
