Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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