I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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