remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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