I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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