through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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