I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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