It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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