...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
