Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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