you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
