Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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