i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You left your phone here
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