She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
