Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Boobs are out for the taking
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
