Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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