I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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