I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
