EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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