Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."

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(651): View more from Minnesota

i turned job hunting into a drinking game..

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.

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(312): View more from Illinois

He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.

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(812): View more from Indiana

The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.

(503): View more from Oregon

I'm on the job.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.

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