Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
