just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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