I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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