I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
try to milk me bitch
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