Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
