I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
