Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
