I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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