after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just found a bag of teeth...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
