i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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