My hand turned me down
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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