Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
