You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
tell your sister to shave her snatch
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
