I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
