There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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