when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
