mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
