at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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