How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
