You work out of a Hotel?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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