apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
