Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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